Slight freak out.

I am ok, I hate that I don't trust myself alone. I freak out especially alone at this house. I can't be here in the quiet I wander the house and see pictures everywhere of our "perfect little family" that they tell me I am tearing apart. It makes me want to tear myself apart. I hide in my room as long as I can.

It's 11:11 I wish I could shut my mind down. Sometimes I take excedrin not just for the migraines but so that it shuts down my thoughts and makes me mellow out. then I think of you and I just get weak. Am I just like you? We told each otehr all the time that we were twins born of different parents. I miss you soo much right now and its killing me. You used to be "my person" that i went to when I felt alone. Just knowing you were there would calm me down. Now I need you because I am scared of doing what you did and you are not there.

That's fine Nicole. Thanks. I stood by you! And now that I need YOU . I need you to tell me that there is a way to get through but you never reassure me , you never answer my messages. I MISS YOU! Christ what did I do to ever deserve this. Two years...god and I still hurt when I am reminded of you.

You told me you could never forget me, but you did. No matter who comes in and out of my life you still haven't dissapated from my thoughts. God I miss you and wish you would come back.

I cried today because someone I know went into therapy and I all I can think of is you. I don't wanna be alone in this house I wish you were here helping me pack and making jokes to make me feel better about leaving my parents and neice and nephews. You knew how to do that...

anyways miss you