Spanko Diary 1

Long day, I spent most of it trying to catch my breath

I have gotten one of my bad habbits back in all this stress...picking at my ears. I think the guys have enough to deal with however so i haven't talked to them about this one. i forget to mention it half the time, I just pray i stop making them bleed and that i dont get another infection that takes me out of work for a week....that was terrible and ZERO fun. 

I had a little bit of food and should be cleaning my room right now but writing down my feelings and venting my day just seems like an easier way to go about my night.....shush guys sheeze I will get to it!

Speaking of Shaun and Vincent . Ugg I am getting a session from both of them for my amazing diving technique! Lol well I mean I cant really blame them....Speeding, Texting, 


Acrobatics(dont bother asking), missing 2 red lights....sighs I think i am missing one. Grumbles but alas those two NEVER forget

At least I didn't start getting topped by them a week earlier....blogging while driving....that would have gone incredibly bad. (and that is putting it really lightly)

I really want to write a vicious note to Joe about love and what it felt like for him to just dissapear but i am not doing it. I am going to try and be good about all this and start really putting in an effort towards making myself better. 

So anyways Chris i guess is really upset I didnt eat breakfast....i will always hear hell for that stuff I think. after i got off the phone with my other family....( I call them other instead of second because they do not take a backseat to my family). And Zee zee called me. My Zee always makes me feel better when I am sad. I had just rewritten the lyrics to Hallelujah ...and we sang to each other and I cried a bit and she helped me cope. 

Each breath I took you took away i should have known that you wouldn't stay

but i had given my whole heart to you

I only felt what you told me to feel, you told me love , I thought it was real

and daddy your baby she'll go down your fool

baby bluebird

baby bluebird

baby bluebird

baby bluebird

Its raining today oddly enough you took my fire you called my bluff

the least of the problems i had with you

its something your eyes said I could do i am a fool gazing of blue

and i fall to pieces everytime i see a bluebird

baby bluebird

baby bluebird

baby bluebird

baby bluebird

its hurts so much to cry at night i am used to you being that light

dismalting each fear that moves around me

im lost without your voice your word, you hallowed out your little bird

now she loves you but she'll sing her song alone

that babybluebird

baby bluebird

your baby bluebird

daddys bluebird

Daddy I miss you, I really do. I miss just having you there with me when i was driving, waking up falling asleep, anything and everything I just overall miss you. But I think i thought of something that hurts the most....when I was sick i would get like 4 or 5 calls that day asking how i was feeling and what I needed to feel better and you would coax me into medicine and make me take a nap and just take care of me. Eventually i will meet a guy to take care of me like that....like you did. 

Everyday that it hurts more, is just another day i need to learn to lean on my own feet and try to balance

alright well if 3 am i must be lonely 4 am must mean i need to get some Fucking sleep

goodnight all :)

Ducky