Odd Deviations from Normal Sensations

Where to start . WELL as most know I moved in with Yoni and Tasha Lee.... or as I call them Dad and My T. Overall things are great.
wait no there not
THINGS ARE INCREDIBLE...THEY ARE AMAZING

I thought this move would be hard on me but in all actuality it has been one of the easiest transitions I have ever had. I wonder sometimes if I am going to get a sucker punch one of these days and feel all the emptiness and lost feelings of someone that moves away from the place that they called home for so long....

 While on the subject I need to clear up some things. YONI is NOT my "Daddy" like a scene daddy, we don't have a closet sex relationship or make out or anything like that. With us he is like any other "Dad" , he helps me achieve goals, watches my eating habits, takes me away from the world when I need to disappear, he helps me with photography and shows me new things, and like many dads helps to keep me in check.
T and I have a different relationship, I see her as someone I love deeply on many levels, as a Mother Figure and as someone who i love on a different level(for the most part platonic but not always) and for this reason I call her My T instead of Mom or something like that because our relationship has that other level...


...let me clarify again...as far as I am concerned they are my adopted parents, NOT scene Mommy and Daddy. They take care of me in all Vanilla ways and support me like any other parent would. Now with all this being said Yoni and Tasha and I  DO make scene movies, Yoni  and T DO spank me(for discipline or relief or just because I am me), and we are in the scene ...like I will be joining my Dad at Crimson moon.
Ok now let me fix holes here. For those of you who are too damn nosy for your own good (much like me) the reason I can be certain ways with T and not with my dad is because everyone's needs are different and being able to separate the Parent and child relationship vs a Non Platonic relationship can be really hard for some and has proved this way on levels in Yoni and I's situation. I need a dad, he needs a daughter and we don't want whats on the other side of the fence with each other. Ok, so now you know. What i need to leave you with on this subject is the answer to the question I am getting all the time.

"Angel Are you happy?"

Yes I Really Truly Am...

WHEW...Still with me? Great, Now for some new stuff. 

Ok so Yesterday I saw my best friend Zee zee, or as many know her Tina Marie, or Ladybug... she and I have been close since when we both came into the scene. She stayed with me for over a month before I moved from Wisconsin and then went back to North Carolina...when I moved to VA she was now about 3 hours away from where I am so she stopped in and gave me a visit! One I wont forget in a LONG time.
You know that ONE friends that you can be insane around, be a dumb ass around, be silly, stupid, crazy, insane....and not bat an eyelash about it around?




Yeah So in my life that person is Tina

Now Zee is openly a very little person on the inside for a lot of her time. Her reasons are her own as are mine. But its wonderful when we are together and we both can just let go and be like little girls causing mischief, playing with toys, or having a bubble bath(as you will see from the pictures) , wearing little girl clothes, smack each other with stuffed animals...you know like normal kid stuff

Ducky coming in for the kill!

Only real diaper picture I was ok about
posting anywhere...

Toy Time

I have become much much MUCH more open with that part of myself since i moved in with my family. I find that my IK's (Inner Kids) can really just be themselves around my family. Being alone with Zee and her boyfriend  I tried things I never would on other occasions ....bubble baths, Pacifiers , hell I even tried a diaper last night(My consensus is that i feel odd in a diaper not really sure if its where I belong but I can understand others attachment to wearing them) .

 I find myself much more in the 5-10 age bracket...And while taking a bath I can look back at the pictures with complete understanding of where I was mentally when the photos were taken. I was just a little girl taking a bath splashing and playing with my sister. We had glow sticks and felt really cool in our glowing bathtub. 

WE giggled and smile for around 2 hours in that bathtub...Sometimes it was as simple as letting the water run and filling up water cups that we could playfully pour on each other. It was an experience that was real and something I separated big me out of .

 I didn't want to "have sex" or "screw" and looking back at the pictures that is not the way I feel about them whatsoever. I actually hesitation putting up pictures of little me on fetlife because I didn't want to read the "Daddy wants to fuck the baby's brains out" because to me...its different. It really is.
Later that night(hours later) we were all in adult space and I found myself having fun sexy and dirty things done to me... but the thing is , is that I was an ADULT when those things went on I had no littles  coming out no nothing. I was completely adult and letting go in a different wave of sensations.
I discovered thinking back about last night that I was more confidant as a 3 year old little girl playing and having fun than I was as an adult with someones hands in my pussy. I had fun doing both but my needs I find are less sexual and more platonic. I need someone to keep an eye on little me, watch out for me while I am in a parking lot, tell me to clean up my room, remind me to take a nap, sit in the corner and think about being naughty, eat a healthy snack, wash and brush my hair.... things that were removed from me as an actual child.
Everything was on MY TERMS and yet everything was OUT OF CONTROL when I was growing up and sometimes I feel like I am getting back all that time.
The hardest thing for me I think living with Yoni is not that i love my biological parents and missing them(though sometimes that is excruciating) ...the hardest part is knowing deep down whether it is said or not how much Yoni wishes he and T could have been around during my real biological childhood to raise me and take care of me in the ways I really needed. I know inside it eats at him worse than almost anything. Part of me wishes that could be changed too. But in truth what he missed out on and the things he wanted to see my biological parents missed most of it anyways. They were either too busy or didn't care enough to watch what was going on inside their little girl. He didn't miss anymore than anyone else did. Honestly I think Dad sees more of me as a child than my bio parents did.
Finally the last snippet of things I haven't talked about ...
 I created a new site for age play littles! http://littlesanctuary.proboards.com/ And as far as I can tell people really like it! *Grins*

 Gizmo (Eden Gomorrah) , my most recent IK she is 10 , and sassy like Bailey(13) but mega soft like copper(7) she tends to be quiet but a hell of a lot more temperamental than most of my other IK's.  Certain small things tend to set her off ...like the biological parents calling and telling her she can come home at anytime and is always welcome. She finds it's easier to get angry at herself when they call and say come home because of how selfish SHE is, how SHE is hurting them instead of crying. Deep down she loves her biological parents back but knows herself full well to be happier with another set of parents ....
And Lastly  I have been feeling really torn up this evening over being in trouble lately. I was asked by T tonight if discipline spankings helped me not to do things. I really had to think about it....Did they? Do they? I know I need them I really really need them(like more than most things) and i am scared of losing them because I haven't been reactive to them as much as I should have been lately .  So internally I am torn on what to do, how to feel about it, and what to say on the subject. "Discipline spankings don't help you Angel if anything you act out more"

My ex boyfriend J said that before removing DD (domestic discipline) out of our relationship and a month later he left me entirely...and so many people in the lifestyle did the same to me ...I am not as scared of being deserted like I used to be...but there still is a deep resounding personal fear of losing Discipline from my dad. It's something I waited so long for I am not sure how to react to it, but at the same time I am terrified of losing it.
OK So sad part over ..... sorry about that last part.......here is something to make you laugh..

OK Now time to go ...
Love you all!
Peace Love Serenity (and giggles!)
Angel/Ducky